


A concept

by Squidbitch



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: I'm Sorry, Other, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 09:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15458433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squidbitch/pseuds/Squidbitch
Summary: Juno is fine.He swears he is. He's okay, no matter what his skin tells him, or how disgusting he feels. He's fine.Well, he's not, but he can lie to himself until he can be.





	A concept

Juno is fine.

He swears he is. He's okay, no matter what his skin tells him, or how disgusting he feels. He's fine.

Well, he's not, but he can lie to himself until he can be.

His mind skips. Disassociation. That's what Rita called it. It's the mind's way of getting out of a bad situation. Since trauma occurred, and Juno remembers it, then when something bad happens, his brain is making him _not_ remember it. Like an eraser to his brain everytime he has a new thought.

"Juno?" Peter reaches out a hand like he's a vicious animal, about to strike.

" _Don't touch me_." He hisses. His mind is skipping and skipping. Its like he's in a merry go round, and the world is going too fast, so he only catches glimpses of it. He knows Peter gets up, and he knows that he's clutching his head and breathing hard and quick. Tears running down his face, because he's alone, _all alone, because Nureyev left him, because he isn't good enough. Because he's a fuck up, and_ "I can't do anything right, I can't do anything right, I can't do anything right!"

Then he hears the cling of glass against his wood floors, and sees a cup of water. Peter's right in front of him now, looking scared and nervous.

He bangs his head against the wall. Then again, because he hates himself, and he deserves pain. Then there are Peter's hands on him, touching his head so he doesn't hit it again.

Peter cares about him enough to make sure he isn't hurt.

Juno backs away from him, and digs his nails into his skull. "I hurt you." He sobs. "I hurt you- I can't do anything fucking right." He's hugging himself, and gasping in breaths. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He expects a hit. He expects to be hurt, because he should be getting hurt by Peter right now.

"Breathe, Juno." Peter tells him, loud enough to get to his mind, but softly enough not to send him back in time to his mother.

"But I-" he sobs out.

"Don't speak, try not to think. Just breathe." Peter whispers. "In," he breathes in with him, fighting to make his own as even as his lover's. "Out." A long exhale. "In," a long inhale. Then a pause for about four seconds as he holds his breath. "Out." The two of them do this for about ten minutes, until Juno's officially Calm. Juno doesn't trust himself to speak.

"Are you..." Peter hesitates, which is something he doesn't do often. "alright?"

Juno gives himself a few seconds to concentrate on his breathing. Then he gulps down the water. "Yeah. I'm good. I'm sorry. Could you help me up?"

Peter rises to his feet, and takes Juno's hands. As soon as Juno's on his feet, he quickly removes them.

"You said not to touch you." He reminds him, once he sees the look on Juno's face.  "Can I touch you now?"

Juno feels a little heat in his cheeks, because, _wow, maybe Peter really_ does _care for him._ He nods, and Peter wastes no time in touching his hand to his waist, and hip.

He's only in his boxers, so he and Peter's skin touch him like a hand in a glove. Fitting perfectly together. His skin against Juno's is hot and soft. It feels like life beneath his fingers.

Juno reaches up, and wraps his arms around Peter's neck. He doesn't kiss him. He just puts his head next to this thief's and breathes in that scent from another world. Peter kisses the crook of his neck. 

"I'm sorry about.. That." Juno says.

"Nothing to apologize for." Peter's quiet for a second. "What happened?"

"Nightmare." He mumbles back, feeling sort pf embarrassed. Peter never wakes up in the middle of the night with a panic attack on his lips. Why does Juno? Why can't he just forget all this and move on?

"Do you want to talk about it?" Peter asks.

Juno bites the inside of his cheek. "It was just about Ben and mom. Again. She was just yelling at me. I don't even remember what she was saying she just-" he takes a breath. One that he can feel in his chest. "She was just so fucking _angry._ " Juno's shaking and he hates himself for it.

He doesn't want to think about any of it anymore. He wants it out of his brain, and out of the world. Juno moves so that he and Peter's face are inches apart. The thief's bent down, and Juno's turned upward. For a second its just the cold air on Juno's skin, Peter's breath, and the darkness around them.

He kisses him. It's soft and lovely.  There's nothing inherently sexual about any of it, and it feels nice to know that that's not all Peter is with him for. He pulls away, but they're still so close that Juno can feel his lips a millimeter away from his own.  "Thanks." He mutters.

"Anything for you, love."

"Does trying to get more sleep fit in there? " He removes his arms from him, and starts walking to the bed.  He lays down, suddenly feeling very sleepy.  Peter lays next to him, Juno turns on his side, and his lover snuggling up behind him, wrapping around like another blanket.

Peter kisses the back of Juno's head, and he starts to drift away.  He's warm and safe, which is something uncommon for him. He feels loved and sleepy and a little sad,  but that's just how it goes.

**Author's Note:**

> Have a good day y'all


End file.
